Working Mums

Market Insight is critical to the success of every marketing program. It is something I value and work with on a daily basis. Strange that I can so easily forget this with my family.

We do not go on holidays often. When we do, hours of planning and organisation have been involved - finding the “perfect” destination, the most “exciting” adventures and jam-packed with activities. The kids have enjoyed this but it was not without much stress…………..

Over the recent long weekend, we took a change of pace, and joined some friends, in small cabins, about four hours from Sydney. My husband grew up spending many a holiday away at this “caravan” park, on family holidays. They camped - as much as Juan tried, I could not be persuaded on this, however a cabin on the beach was definitely on the cards……

So with a boot packed with clothes, food, fishing rods, a soccer ball or two, and a bottle or so of our favourite vino, we set off on our weekend away.

On arrival the kids ran to their friends to begin a weekend of fun whilst we unpacked and so the weekend began. Our days were spent on the beach playing “stuck in the mud” and digging holes in the sand until “we hit the middle of the Earth”….. we failed by the way . There was fishing on the beach for the kids during the day, and for the dads late at night/early morning.

No expensive restaurants - we cooked on the BBQ altogether and enjoyed lazy meals in the cabins.

Nights were spent kangaroo spotting - not difficult as they were basically standing on our porch, and reading stories. And once the kids were tucked up asleep, the parents were able to relax to a glass or ok more, of our favourite beverage………

And the  verdict ….. “The best holiday ever mum” .

It is easy to lose sight of what is important. In the planning and preparation for “fabulous holidays” I failed to consider the basic requirements for my family - to relax, have fun and be together. A new family tradition has now been established for us - and one that will be almost stress free and be so much more friendlier to our bank balance too!!

Although I have to say, I am still not convinced on the whole camping thing………… leaning towards the results of my SWOT analysis which definitely concludes that the lack of facilities to plug in my hair straightener would definitely be a threat to my personal well being.

Till next time, Michelle x

OK this blog is for all my mum friends who asked for the recipe for the dairy free butterfly cookies I made for Alannah’s 2nd birthday party.

Here it is:

1. The cookies
125g Nuttlex, at room temp
1/2 cup castor sugar
1 egg yolk (save the egg white for the icing!!)
2 cups plain flour
3 tsp ground ginger
1 tsp bicarb soda
1/4 cup golden syrup

Preheat oven to moderate, 180 degrees C. Line two trays with baking paper. In a large bowl mix butter and sugar together until creamy (about 2-3mins with electric beater). Then beat in egg yolk.
Sift flour, ginger and bicarb soda and mix together. Warm golden syrup in microwave on high for 20 seconds. Fold flour mixture with syrup to form dough.
Knead dough gentley on lightly floured board. Roll out between 2 sheets baking paper until 0.5cm thick. Using butterfly cookie cutter cut out shapes. I then pushed a paddle pop stick into the bottom of the cookie, about 1/3 into the cookie.
Bake for 10-15 mins until lightly golden.

2. Icing.
Egg White
1 1/4 cup icing sugar
squeeze lemon
splash (or two) rosewater essence
colouring paste
sprinkles

Beat egg white until frothy. Then add in icing sugar a little at a time. Squeeze in lemon and add a few drops of rosewater essence. Once the consistency you want, add in a drop or two of colouring paste. I used pink and purple. Then spread onto each cookie. Shake with sprinkles and voila you have butterfly cookies on a stick. All dairy free and ready to eat!

3. Enjoy!!!

Parental Guilt. It is real, it is inhibiting and it cannot be avoided.

I am consumed by guilt. I recognise it, I manage it, but it is there. Always there.

Last year, my youngest baby, Alannah, was admitted into hospital. She had her tonsils and adnoids removed, and grommits inserted. I took one week of personal leave to spend time with her, and nurture her through the recovery.

All the time the following thoughts were going through my head
1. I am not spending enough time with my eldest two children
2. I am completing ignoring my husband
3. I have a strategic workshop coming up in a weeks time and I am not as prepared as I would like
4. My mum, dad, brothers, sister, friends have all called ten times each to find out how Alannah is and I have still not responded to one of those calls

Oh and this was my favourite
5. My daughter is in pain and I made the decision to proceed with the surgery. I caused this (yes I know I know I know…)

Of course, a week later my daughter was well enough to be able to venture out, and I needed to return to work. …..
The new round of thoughts begin
1. I should have taken more time off
2. Alannah still needs me - I should be with her
3. I should be with all my children
4. My daughter was awake all night and I have an intense day at work. How am I going to deliver an effective plan to the business
5. My other children and my husband need my time and I am exhausted

This is one example of parental guilt. There are others and there will be plenty more. I accept this.

So what do I do to manage this situation.

Here are my tips.
- Talk to your friends and family. Be honest and real
- Accept the cards you are dealt and work with it
- Accept that you cannot be there for every person in your life, at all times. These represent opportunities for your children in particular to build solid and lasting relationships with other family members or carers…. and lifelong skills in building relationships that matter.
- Ask for help!! (And for the record, this is something I am not good at …… at all!! Just ask my sister!)

They are tips to manage the guilt, with an appreciation that the feelings will not simply vanish.

I would however, really appreciate your thoughts and strategies on parenting and that suffocating guilt that seems to surround us!!!

Always, Michelle
xx

When did a forum become purely a push marketing vehicle?

My divine friend Natalie and I headed out last week to attend a light weighted mum’s forum. With goody bags on offer we expected that there may be some product offerings pitched our way, however, what we did not expect, was for unwanted products to be ‘promoted’ within the first 5 minutes of the presentation, and for the “forum” component of the night to be a 2 minute quiz. With three hours of presentations, all aimed at getting us to buy, the event ended on time with not a minute to spare. No opportunity to converse, share throughts or build contacts, we had to wonder, what has happened to the concept of a forum.

As a mum, I would relish the opportunity to get involved in round table discussions which promote topics on work life balance, parenting and building support networks - both business and personal. And I would like to be able to do so without the transparent push marketing techniques Natalie and I were sadly exposed to.

Yet to date, I have to say, I am yet to see this provided in the market.

What is your experience of parenting, networking and work life balance forums? Do you think this is effectively provided for, or do you think, with the emergence of social networks, that this is no longer relevant or necessary.

I would love to know your thoughts on this.

Warm Wishes, Michelle

My amazing cousin Kylie has Breast Cancer. She is 32 years old, married with 2 beautiful young children. It hits home - I am only one year older, also married, with three young children. How can someone so young face this battle for life. It is surreal, it does not seem possible.

But, it is. Bravely Kylie battles Breast Cancer head on. She has shared her journey with those around her - from allowing others to touch the lump so they too would know what to look for, to showing her post-op scar, to sharing her journey via messages on Facebook. Now with her final round of radiotherapy complete, and her body tender and burnt, she looks and hopes to a long and happy future.

So to Kylie, my dear cousin, this blog is for you. You inspire me to look beyond the negative, to share the good and the bad, to help others learn from my experiences, to think of others more, and to accept all the battle scars for they are part of the journey towards a happy future.

May your doctors appointment tomorrow be one to rejoice, and your future bright and cancer free. Oh and may your birthday in July be an occasion to pop open the bubbly!!!

Always
Michelle
xx

I am not a fan of the title “supermum”. It suggests that you are able to achieve something that others cannot.

My life has been focused on supporting and helping others. When my parents divorced, I was 12 years old. My brothers were 10 and 3. I took on the role of third, and, to some extent primary parent. There was some valuable skills I developed from the experience. Particularly now that I also have three delightful children (and an amazing hubby) of my own.

Life is hectic. We are a close and loving family. We are also five individuals with personal pursuits and this needs to be balanced. For a while life was tippling over - I felt as if I was constantly on the run, and that I had not achieved the family harmony that was so important to us. So, taking some of the skills I learnt from my youth, I helped our family through a a spring clean of our life.

This is what we did.

1. Family Goals: We wrote down what was important to our family and what we were trying to achieve. For us it was about a happy and secure family. It was about living within our means - and planning for a secure financial future. It was about giving our children a foundation from which to soar.

2. Family Commitments: We diarised the family commitments. Boring but critical when trying to manage the schedules of five individuals. This means locking in when mum and dad are working, this means locking in school commitments, this means locking in sporting commitments. As a side comment - and something that is relevant to us all, I personally believe that you have to make time for healthy living. Exercise does not just happen. For our family, if it is in the diary then time is made to ensure this is part of our lives. It is as important as scheduling the children’s school concerts, a business meeting or a doctors appointment, But back to my point… schedule in your family commitments.

This exercise is also interesting. It allows you to see if the week is being skewed towards the needs of one family member at the expense of another. Back to our family goals - we wanted to ensure we were focused on a happy family who respect the needs of each other. Having a family calander allows us to discuss incremental commitments and the impact that may have on the family eg My daughter wanted to take up a new dance class that was an hour from home. This would mean I would need to take out three hours of time in the afternoon and make up those hours from midnight to 3am in the morning - not really fair on me I have to say. We compromised and are looking at a dance class that is part of her school. It means I pick her up one hour later, so I just move around a meeting or two and she gets her dance class. Balance restored!

3. The family also means mum! Too often mum gets forgotten. I have to admit that I recently whinged to one of my girlfriends that I was feeling that I was not doing anything for myself. It is not something that comes naturally to me - it some ways I stopped existing when I turned 12 and really only felt that I revived “Me” when I married my husband. But still, they say when you are under stress you refer back to old behaviour. This means for me, I stop prioritising my needs. My gorgeous friend, Natalie, reminded me that I need to get back on the radar! So back to basics. I rescheduled time to go to the gym each week. That was easy. And I did something I have not done for months and months. I scheduled a time on the weekend to go and have a facial. Yes I have planned around the schedules of hubby and kids, but it is there, on the wall - time for mum. Baby steps for some - a giant leap for me.

4. Declutter the home! Organise the home so it works for you. We have the toys and craft suppliles sorted in tubs, so we can set up the kids with “play stations” - at a moment’s notice. This worked particularly well when we first bought our third child home, and the constant feeding and settling meant we needed to have a play to keep the two eldest kiddies well entertained. And it also means not always running around trying to work out where you put various items - a big time waster.

5. Enjoy being a family. It is easy to overcomplicate your life with kids sporting and academic interests, and outings with friends and weekends rich with activities. It is not so easy to just stop and be. We find that the one thing our kids really want is our time. Time to listen to them, time to play with them and time to just have a good belly laugh with them. In terms of extra activities, we have a family lilmit of one sporting or musical interest as well as swimming lessons (we have a pool at home so the swimming lessons are a given for all three of our children). Yes we believe in the importance of academic excellence, and supporting musical, theatrical or sporting prowess - but more importantly, we believe that our role as parents means also teaching our children how to be a family. How to respect one another, how to listen to the needs of others, and how to enjoy the simple things in life. Last weekend, we spent an hour just kicking a soccer ball around in the backyard. Smiles all round and what’s more no rushing out anymore and no money wasted on mindless entertainment. It was fun!  

6. Listen. I have touched on this already. But listening is a critical skill. It is amazing at how much clutter you can remove from your life by listening to your family and what is important to them, and removing the activities and commitments that are just not bring value or enjoyment to their lives.

This means really listening - not just staying quiet to wait for your cue to talk. But to listen to what the other person is trying to convey. And determining whether they are wanting you to respond with advise, or whether they are merely venting and need your support not your words.

7. Say No and (try not to) feel guilty! You cannot be two places at once.

8. Family First! It is not possible to keep every person happy. We have made decisions that are in the best interests of our children and their happiness, which were not embraced by our extended family. Whilst a few members of the family were a little out of sorts, we were confident it was the right decision as it was made with the best of intentions and had the best outcome for our children. Of course……… there are grey areas to this comment, but I am sure you get the general idea.

So with a basic philosphy of family values, and a spring clean of your life, I do believe balance can be achieved in life. Throw the “Supermum” ideal out with the bath water, and get back to basics. Identify and focus on what is important to you, and build your life around this.

Although, come to think about it, a little Super help to get my kids to eat their greens might be nice……………

Always,
Michelle
xx

I have to admit that i was one of “those people” You know, the ones that think Facebook, twitter, blogging, and oh golly, You Tube were for mindless entertainment - for people who have too much time on their hands. I simply just did not get it.

My initial perceptions of social networking, really stemmed from the use of the word “social”. The Australian culture tends to use the term social to refer to leisure pursuits, such as gatherings with friends over a weekend BBQ, as opposed to the development of communities of like minded people. So to me social networking was something you would do with your time off work - entertainment at best.

Interactions with classic Gen Y went on to validate this perception. It seemed the art of holding a conversation was replaced with the unique ability of biting one another with their Vampire Alto-Ego on the virtually attached FaceBook. OK………. Not for me…….

After the birth of my third child, I commenced working from home more often. A work benefit I appreciated and enjoyed, a benefit that enabled me to work productively whilst being accessible to my children. But slowly I became all to familiar with the isolation and lack of community that was being created in my world.

By chance, the opportunity to work on a project arose, which would require me to better understand social networking. And so began my journey - a journey I thought that I would, well, blog about.

I began by looking at my social networks. I did have a LinkedIn connection, but whilst I had some connections added, they were left to collect dust, rather like my childhood collections of smurfs and strawberry shortcake dolls. Time to dust off those connections and make them work for me.

So began my learning.

I started by looking at my professional networks. So I can use LinkedIn to build my network. OK got it. Now what. With caution I stepped into the world of blogging. Initially I simply added comments to existing blogs - I stopped just being a silent observer and began participating in online conversations. Soon this was not enough. I needed a creative outlet and found that I had something to say. With trepidation, I commenced my own blog. And over time realised I could promote and market my blog through links in my social network. 
 

So Now time to look at Facebook - reluctantly I created an account …………. and well have become a Facebook Fan. I can build my personal network, I can join groups of interest and meet new people with common interests in marketing, branding, innovation, parenting - and these contacts just maybe will become part of my professional network in the future……………. Wow, who would have thought.

I have mentioned @Wonderwebby in previous blogs. I met @Wonderwebby via instant messaging and she has since become someone I respect and admire. Sensing my relunctance WonderWebby has gently provided me with some suggestions on tools to consider as part of my social network strategy - as and when I have been ready. She encouraged me to take a look at Twitter. At first glance it looks like a, well, time waster - entering in what you were doing… now really, who has time to write about what they are doing - I do not have enough time living life. Then I discovered a world of thought provocation - access to people who would challenge me to rethink my opinions - who would allow me to understand how others are using their internet and social networking strategy, the latest in branding and innovation across the globe, and also have a little bit of fun——- wow, so I am not the only parent still awake at 1am with kids who are determined to keep waking up on the hour. Thank goodness I am not alone. Sanity retrieved!

So now I can tweet a thought, generate ideas and a greater understanding of common dilemmas and information requirements, and participate and lead blog conversations.

The evolution of my journey has seen me recently create my very own aviator on Second Life. Now I have not graduated from the Smurfs on Atari so please appreciate this is BIG, HUGE, MAJOR step for me. For a few hours (or more) I wondered around aimless in this new virtual world. It took me forever to work out that I could leave Orientation Island. Then this new world of collaboration and learning emerged. A world where marketing, HR and Learning Strategies could be executed, a world that I should have explored before. Whilst my aviator skills are still poor at best, I have some great incentives to learn - a number of upcoming virtual events and education courses that I would like to participate in. Shell Zamora - watch out for my aviator and if she looks a little lost - please be patient - I am still very much on my aviator Learner Plates!

Where to now? I recently subscribed to Chris Brogan’s Newsletter - Social Networking Elite - check it out and subscribe! In his Friday blog, he mentioned four key social networking tools to check out, with clear value propositions for getting involved. There is an ever evolving stream of new social networking tools to use - at the end of the day it is not about the tools you elect to use but how you use the tools you choose, to collaborate and learn. This newsletter will help you to look at some current social networking software and help you consider whether or not these will add benefit to your life, or simply clutter your already busy network.

So what do I now think of social networking.

Social networking. It is simply a way to collaborate with people on a global scale, with the tools you chose to use. I can do that.

Oh and those dusty childhood collections of Smurfs and Strawberry Shortcake Dolls have been dusted off and networked with my kids - to find new and innovative games to play with the exciting new toys!

Happy dusting!

Michelle

xx

“The postings on this site are my own and don’t necessarily represent IBM’s positions, strategies or opinions.”

With four days to enjoy spending with my family over Easter, I spent the time relaxing and recharging. I was given the opportunity to think - Is Work Life Balance Achievable?

I met @Wonderwebby via Instant Messaging recently, and she commented on my last blog - do we achieve balance or do we simply put in 110% to everything we do.

I think both. For me balance is about being able to make choices and being able to throw myself into everything I chose to do with commitment and dedication. This means a choice to protect the happiness and well being of my family and to pursue a career that inspires and challenges me to grow and develop. The passion I have for my family, converts to enthusiasm and energy in the work force - the enjoyment and reward I take out of my career converts to sheer joy that I bring back into my household - integration at last!

When I returned to work after my third little bambino, I returned five days and have to say I was finding it difficult to keep a smile on my face - something seemed to be missing and I felt that the pendulum of life ever so gently tipped in favour of work instead of my family. So I reviewed my options and my divine and understanding manager agreed to enable me to commence a compressed working week, with the option of flexible hours.

Huh? I hear you all asking. OK I am using this blog to try and explain this as simply as possible.

Rather than 5 days I work 4 days and have a 3 day weekend every weekend. I am able to do this because I work 4 long days each week, from 7.30am each day to 6.30pm and then again from 9.30pm onwards. I say onwards because the time I finishes depends on whether I have taken off some time during the day to for instance pick up my daughter from school, go to the gym (sorry I am not one of those mums who bounced back to pre high school weight………. I have to work on my weight, my health and well have me time to be honest!), or attend a swimming carnival or concert for instance………..
So I have compressed my working week from 5 days into 4 days, and the four days I work have a flexible end time so that I can still meet my family commitments. Get it?

Here is what I like about a compressed working week
1. I feel more involved with my children’s life
2. I am happier
3. If I am working on a “meaty” project I can throw myself into it whilst my energy levels and excitement about the project are high
4. I am available to reach colleagues across the globe  - in the morning I can be talking to my US contacts, throughout the day my contacts across most of Asia Pacific, and in the evening my contacts in India and Europe. Great when you need an urgent response to a particular issue!!
5. I have a three day weekend every week!
6. I was working the hours anyway - now I have more time to recharge so I am more productive and energised each week!
7. Reduced child care costs - 4 days instead of 5. And you can structure to work more hours once the kids are in bed (with admission, you do need the support of a fabulous partner here! I am lucky!)

Here is what can be difficult
1. They are long hours every week
2. Like all parents - if you have been up all night with a sick baby, the thought of a long working day can be daunting ……….. and quite frankly it is tough (I am writing this after 1 hour of sleep for the night ! Ouch!)
3. When you log on again after 3 days, your email can be out of control………….. I do tend to log on over the weekend just to clear the basic requirements and avoid fatigue on Monday morning!

Here is what you need
1. the ability to work responsibly and manage your hours, work and family commitments
2. Supportive family
3. Supportive management and team
4. A desire to want this to work - fueled by a commitment to integrate your work and family life in such a way that the end result is happiness all round.

Aristotle once said “Nothing is so unequal as the equal treatment of unequals”.

Isn’t it grand not to be boxed into the confines of equal treatment for all!

See you again soon,

Michelle
xx

“The postings on this site are my own and don’t necessarily represent IBM’s positions, strategies or opinions.”

I am typing my first ever blog, as my youngest daughter sleeps soundly next to me. She has just resettled for the evening and I have given in, allowing her to snuggle in between my husband and I.

After many a discussion with friends and colleagues on work life balance, I thought it was time I began my own blog - an online journal summarising my quest towards synergy with family and career. A journey I entered into naively and with determination.

Three children later, I now know how difficult this is. I do not claim to have found the perfect mix. What I can say is : my children love life and laugh often, my husband is happiest when his family smile, and that I love and enjoy being with my family whilst also being challenged by a rewarding career.

I am sure that this blog will include both the highs and lows, and I hope also over time, build a community of other working parents - the more we can share ideas, the easier this journey will be!

Warm Wishes, Wondermum
xx