Working Mums

I am not a fan of the title "supermum". It suggests that you are able to achieve something that others cannot.

My life has been focused on supporting and helping others. When my parents divorced, I was 12 years old. My brothers were 10 and 3. I took on the role of third, and, to some extent primary parent. There was some valuable skills I developed from the experience. Particularly now that I also have three delightful children (and an amazing hubby) of my own.

Life is hectic. We are a close and loving family. We are also five individuals with personal pursuits and this needs to be balanced. For a while life was tippling over - I felt as if I was constantly on the run, and that I had not achieved the family harmony that was so important to us. So, taking some of the skills I learnt from my youth, I helped our family through a a spring clean of our life.

This is what we did.

1. Family Goals: We wrote down what was important to our family and what we were trying to achieve. For us it was about a happy and secure family. It was about living within our means - and planning for a secure financial future. It was about giving our children a foundation from which to soar.

2. Family Commitments: We diarised the family commitments. Boring but critical when trying to manage the schedules of five individuals. This means locking in when mum and dad are working, this means locking in school commitments, this means locking in sporting commitments. As a side comment - and something that is relevant to us all, I personally believe that you have to make time for healthy living. Exercise does not just happen. For our family, if it is in the diary then time is made to ensure this is part of our lives. It is as important as scheduling the children's school concerts, a business meeting or a doctors appointment, But back to my point... schedule in your family commitments.

This exercise is also interesting. It allows you to see if the week is being skewed towards the needs of one family member at the expense of another. Back to our family goals - we wanted to ensure we were focused on a happy family who respect the needs of each other. Having a family calander allows us to discuss incremental commitments and the impact that may have on the family eg My daughter wanted to take up a new dance class that was an hour from home. This would mean I would need to take out three hours of time in the afternoon and make up those hours from midnight to 3am in the morning - not really fair on me I have to say. We compromised and are looking at a dance class that is part of her school. It means I pick her up one hour later, so I just move around a meeting or two and she gets her dance class. Balance restored!


3. The family also means mum! Too often mum gets forgotten. I have to admit that I recently whinged to one of my girlfriends that I was feeling that I was not doing anything for myself. It is not something that comes naturally to me - it some ways I stopped existing when I turned 12 and really only felt that I revived "Me" when I married my husband. But still, they say when you are under stress you refer back to old behaviour. This means for me, I stop prioritising my needs. My gorgeous friend, Natalie, reminded me that I need to get back on the radar! So back to basics. I rescheduled time to go to the gym each week. That was easy. And I did something I have not done for months and months. I scheduled a time on the weekend to go and have a facial. Yes I have planned around the schedules of hubby and kids, but it is there, on the wall - time for mum. Baby steps for some - a giant leap for me.

4. Declutter the home! Organise the home so it works for you. We have the toys and craft suppliles sorted in tubs, so we can set up the kids with "play stations" - at a moment's notice. This worked particularly well when we first bought our third child home, and the constant feeding and settling meant we needed to have a play to keep the two eldest kiddies well entertained. And it also means not always running around trying to work out where you put various items - a big time waster.

5. Enjoy being a family. It is easy to overcomplicate your life with kids sporting and academic interests, and outings with friends and weekends rich with activities. It is not so easy to just stop and be. We find that the one thing our kids really want is our time. Time to listen to them, time to play with them and time to just have a good belly laugh with them. In terms of extra activities, we have a family lilmit of one sporting or musical interest as well as swimming lessons (we have a pool at home so the swimming lessons are a given for all three of our children). Yes we believe in the importance of academic excellence, and supporting musical, theatrical or sporting prowess - but more importantly, we believe that our role as parents means also teaching our children how to be a family. How to respect one another, how to listen to the needs of others, and how to enjoy the simple things in life. Last weekend, we spent an hour just kicking a soccer ball around in the backyard. Smiles all round and what's more no rushing out anymore and no money wasted on mindless entertainment. It was fun!  

6. Listen. I have touched on this already. But listening is a critical skill. It is amazing at how much clutter you can remove from your life by listening to your family and what is important to them, and removing the activities and commitments that are just not bring value or enjoyment to their lives.

This means really listening - not just staying quiet to wait for your cue to talk. But to listen to what the other person is trying to convey. And determining whether they are wanting you to respond with advise, or whether they are merely venting and need your support not your words.

7. Say No and (try not to) feel guilty! You cannot be two places at once.

8. Family First! It is not possible to keep every person happy. We have made decisions that are in the best interests of our children and their happiness, which were not embraced by our extended family. Whilst a few members of the family were a little out of sorts, we were confident it was the right decision as it was made with the best of intentions and had the best outcome for our children. Of course......... there are grey areas to this comment, but I am sure you get the general idea.

So with a basic philosphy of family values, and a spring clean of your life, I do believe balance can be achieved in life. Throw the "Supermum" ideal out with the bath water, and get back to basics. Identify and focus on what is important to you, and build your life around this.

Although, come to think about it, a little Super help to get my kids to eat their greens might be nice...............

Always,
Michelle
xx